¿te puedo ayudar?

In the one month that I´ve been living in Tlaxco, I´ve asked ¿te puedo ayudar?/can I help you? countless times. Usually when I´d say these words, I´d be awkwardly standing towards the wall or corner fiddling with my hands and watching people in my host community effortlessly swirl about -cleaning, cooking, preparing, organizing, getting kids into line, giving out instructions, returning homework etc etc. I´d keenly observe what was going on around me, ask if I could help in someway and await (hopefully) very detailed instructions on how I could possibly assist in a non obtrusive and at least somewhat productive way.
Poco a poco/little by little , I´ve be able to integrate myself more and more into the work of la escuelita and my home, thanks entirely to the seemingly boundless patience of my host family and the other teachers at IEIMC. They have so graciously allowed me and my broken spanish to "help," whether they truly needed another set of hands or not (usually the latter). They saw my desire to be in community with them and patiently allowed me to "help." They saw my desire to belong, to contribute, to do something other than awkwardly watch and fiddle with my hair. In allowing me to help, they´ve in turn provided me with the critical help I needed in these awesome, uncomfortable and challenging weeks of transition. They've provided me the opportunity to carve out little spaces and places of regularity and routine. They've helped me begin to build an identity in this community  that is built on tasks and action, one that goes beyond my obvious foreignness.
The joy I felt this week when I successfully put away the dishes in their correct spot with my host mom after comida was  ridiculous. When she smiled and noted, "I didn't even have to tell you where they belong!" a sizeable lump of gratitude and contentment grew in my throat. Slowly feeling like I'm becoming a part of this community, in moments such as these, has brought so much peace to a time when peace can sometimes be elusive.
Help is a tricky thing, this year I'm sure will continue to challenge my understanding of help and helping. For now, I'm happy to say that over the past few days I've lessened my usage of "¿Te puedo ayudar?" Now I more often find myself saying te ayudo/I'll help you, or even better, just silently beginning to work alongside my companions without feeling the need to announce my presence.
 In the month that I've been living in Tlaxco, I've come to feel that our cultural understanding of help really rather wonky. I always felt the need to ask permission before offering assistance or beginning to work alongside. I never really thought about the words I was saying, I asked "te puedo ayudar" so thoughtlessly it was almost a reflex. As I began to pay closer attention to myself and my surroundings, I realized that for as many countless times I've asked permission to help, that same question was never asked of me.
My host sister didn't ask if I understood the meaning of the idiom she just used, she just kindly explained it to me, knowing it wouldn't have been something my Spanish minor would have covered. When my host mom saw that I was walking around the house without sufficient slippers for our tile floor, she immediately gave me an extra pair of her daughter's. When I so clearly had no idea what I was doing in the hortaliza/garden, Maestra Lupita didn't ask me if I needed or wanted help, she just drew me a diagram of the different plant beds so that I would better understand. The complete stranger seated next to me on the bus to Apizaco who saw that I was unsure and uncomfortable, made sure I knew when and where I should get off.  In four short weeks here I could fill a lengthy notebook of the times I've received help that I neither asked for nor was asked if I needed.
I think I've never been asked "te puedo ayudar" because it's a silly and irrelevant question. When my community saw an awkward, tall, homesick, unsure, blonde gringa, they immediately showered me with love, support, and help. They saw a need and responded. There was no need to ask any questions.
I think we hesitate and ask "te puedo ayudar" because we worry that stepping in to assist another is assuming that they can't do it on their own. When we need to ask for help, we feel we've failed. In a culture that puts an absurd and at times harmful premium on self sufficiency and independence, asking for help means we've fallen short. Help leaves us feeling lesser.
My experience this past month has proven to me the ridiculousness of this notion. The incredible amount of help I've received has left me feeling loved, empowered, lifted up, greater. My community isn't telling me "you can't do it on your own, so I'll help you," but rather "you don't need to do it on your own, I'll help." In one short month my community in Tlaxco has taught me what it truly means to be in relationships rooted in the notions of accompaniment, mutuality and interdependence. In the coming 10, I hope and pray I'll be able to follow in their example.