life lately

List of things Alyssa wants to blog about:

1-Food

•  I want to tell you about weekend mornings with my host sisters. When I wake up and see our tortilla-presser and know that I’m about to eat some amazing quesadillas, memelas, huaraches, etc.
• I want to tell you about walking down the hill a bit on Sunday mornings to Doña Kily’s home, greeting her and her daughter and ordering fresh tlacoyos and tamales. Walking back (sharing one of the tlacoyos we just bought because they’re too good not to eat hot out of the frying pan) and chatting with my host mom about how Doña Kily has been making those same tamales and tlacoyos for the past 60 years.
•  I want to tell you about when Doña Mari asks me and a few students to pick some radishes from the garden-because today we’re having pozole at school. I want to show you how excited those students are while they wait in line for their hot and delicious bowl of pozole.
• I want to tell you about how cooking with my host mom has become my best antidote for homesickness and the notebook that we’re planning to fill with my favorite recipes.

2-Time

• I want to tell you about la hora Mexicana and how I’m slowly but surely showing up less and less obnoxiously early to events.
• I want to tell you about the first weeks in Tlaxco that seemed to move so slowly that I meticulously kept track of how long I’d been away from home, mainly to prove to myself that time was indeed passing.
•  I want to tell you about how the 19^th of every month felt like a little victory. Marking one more month away from home and one month more integrated into my familia Tlaxquense.
• I want to tell you about how on December 19^th my life felt so normal that I didn’t notice that my special date had passed. It wasn’t until writing this post that I realized that my YAGM year has entered month number 4.
   
• I want to tell you about the sunsets in colonia Iturbide when the multicolored sky outlines three of Mexico’s highest peaks and time stops for a bit.
• I want to tell you about Hannah, my hermana YAGM, and her call to “stop trying to fill your time with things, but instead let things fill your time.” I want to tell you how and why that’s become my New Year’s resolution.

3-Migration

•        I want to tell you about the 40% of my students who come from single-parent households who tell me about their madre, padre, hermano, primo etc who live allá en los estados unidos.
•        I want to tell you about the days I spent working at the Sagrada Familia Migrant Shelter with my hermano YAGM, Josh.
•       I want to tell you about registering a group of young men into the shelter who had just gotten off la bestia.
•        I want to tell you about entering their responses to questions such as “Are you fleeing danger in your home country?” “Would it be safe or possible for you to return home?” “How many times have you made this journey?” “Have you experienced violence during your journey through Mexico?”
•        I want to tell you about the economic institutions, oppressive regimes, systemic violence, and organized crime that force these migrants to flee their patrias.
•       I want to tell you about how the US has often directly caused the dire situations from which these migrants are fleeing.
•        I want to tell you that because of these experiences and conversations, I will never understand the Christmas story in the same way.

4-Language

•        I want to tell you about my host dad’s love of playing with words, his absurd puns and classic “dad jokes.”
•        I want to tell you about the time I accidentally cursed in my 4-6^th grade English class, because when I learned the word desmadre no one clued me in on the fact that it was a groseria.  I want to tell you about the ridiculous 6^th grade boys who will never let me live that down.
•        I want to tell you how incredibly comforting it feels to be called mija, querida, hermana, maestra.
•       I want to tell you how much I miss hearing my name with familiar English vowel sounds.

I want to tell you about all of this and so much more. I want to share with you all that this crazy, challenging, beautiful year is showing me. I want to, but I’m scared. I’m scared you won’t understand. I’m scared my words will fail. I’m scared to set free the experiences and memories that, for now, just exist between my community and me.

The more Spanish I learn the more frustrated I become when I try to translate new vocabulary or phrases into English. They end up sounding off, losing some of the beauty and some of the sentido. The deeper I dive into this YAGM year the more challenging it’s becoming to explain the true richness and complexity of my vida Mexicana.  In the coming weeks and months, I’ll hopefully share much of this ever-growing list. Some of these I’ll guard away for a longer conversation in person over some good coffee, because that’s what they deserve. All them will stay forever in my heart and mind in a swirling mess of English, Spanish, and Spanglish--translation unnecessary.